Publication: Bizarre News
I Stole The Most Interesting Book | |
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BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, March 8, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I stole the most interesting book off of TZ's desk this
morning. It's entitled 'Post Secret' and was compiled by
a guy named Frank Warren. A couple years ago he printed
up a few thousand post cards asking people for anonymous
confessions on any topic they wanted to write about. He
handed them out in subway stations and left them in public
places for people to pick up. After receiving thousands of
responses he finally compiled his book which I am going to
steal from right now. Some of these are pretty interesting,
although I don't know how honest some of these people are:
"I want to be kidnapped, stripped naked, then bound
in clear wrap to a signpost in the middle of down-
town...and no one can set me free."
"When I was a young teenager I used to babysit my
next door neighbors son. When he was asleep I
would go into their bedroom and go through their
bedside drawers. I found a packet of condoms. I
put a pin through the middle of each of them, and
thus ensured myself another five years of baby-
sitting."
"When I was 7 I hid under my parents' bed so I
could see what my dad's penis looked like after
his morning shower."
"I put lost socks to good use...I masturbate into
them."
"I stay in a job I hate because I know I won't
pass a drug screening anywhere else. And I do
drugs because I hate my job."
"I used to get high and watch Lawrence Welk."
"I always wait a few days before returning e-mails
from my friends because I don't want them to think
I have nothing better to do."
"I used to think the rhythm was gonna get me."
"He wasn't cheating on you. But since you chose to
blame me anyway...he will be."
If you're thinking about sending me your secret confessions
feel free. Just know they won't be anonymous!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+------------------ Bizarre Con-Artists ------------------+
In 1872, veteran prospectors Philip Arnold and John Slack
bought $35,000 worth of diamonds in Europe and scattered
them on land in Wyoming. They managed to convince the Bank
of San Francisco they had discovered a diamond field and
made $700,000.
Starting in 1921, Oscar Merril Hartzell began a scam sell-
ing fake shares in the estate of Sir Francis Drake. He
contacted as many families as he could find with the
surname Drake and was eventually accused of defrauding
270,000 people. The hoax netted him over $2,000,000.
When J. Bam Morrison arrived at Wetumka, Oklahoma in 1950,
he claimed to be the advance publicity man for Bohn's
United Circus, which, he maintained, was due to hit town
in three weeks. He allegedly sold advertising space to
local traders... for a circus that didn't exist.
By forging signatures, James Addison Reavis was able to
claim he was the legal owner of 17,000 square miles of
Arizona. The enterprise raked in $300,000 a year until
he was arrested in 1895 and he was sentenced to six years
in prison.
Joseph Weill, who inspired the movie "The Sting," rented
abandoned banks and convinced businessmen that he had set
up a genuine bank. He waited for them to deposit large
sums of money before shutting down and moving on to the
next town. This, plus some of his other scams, earned
him over $6,000,000.
***
------------ Golfer allegedly killed bird ---------------
ORLANDO, Fla. - A pro golfer could face a $10,000 fine
after his golf ball struck and killed a red-shouldered
hawk at an Orange County, Fla., course. The Florida Fish
and Wildlife Conservation Commission said Nationwide Tour
player Tripp Isenhour was filming an instructional video
at Grand Cypress Golf Club when he became angered by the
bird, which repeatedly interrupted the shoot with its
loud calls, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported. Isenhour
hit several balls at the tree where the hawk was perched,
eventually striking and killing the animal, the commission
said. He has been charged with cruelty to animals and
killing a migratory bird, both misdemeanors. He could face
a fine of up to $10,000 if convicted. A prosecutor has
suggested Isenhour be ordered to perform community service
at Audubon Center for Birds of Prey.
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--------- Swedish state pharmacy to sell dildos ----------
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A state-run pharmacy chain in Sweden
has announced it will begin carrying sex toys after many
customers requested the items. A survey conducted for
state pharmacy Apoteket by the Swedish Association for
Sexuality Education found a majority of Apoteket shoppers
asked what they would like the pharmacy to begin carrying
chose dildos and massage oils, The Local reported Thursday.
"We are aware that sex is a very important part of every-
one's life. It is important to help people in this area,
and there is a certain demand for the products," said
Apoteket spokeswoman Elisabet Linge Bergman. Linge Bergman
said the store has not yet decided what additional sex
toys it will stock in the near future. "We will sell
massage oils and dildos. We can't say anything more yet,"
she said.
-------------- French mayor bans dying -----------------
SARPOURENX, France - A mayor in southwest France has
threatened residents of his village of Sarpourenx with
severe punishment if they die because there's no room
in the cemetery. Mayor Gerard Lalanne posted an ordinance
in the council offices advising the village's 260 residents
that "all persons not having a plot in the cemetery and
wishing to be buried in Sarpourenx are forbidden from
dying in the parish." It added, "Offenders will be severely
punished," Homes Worldwide said. The 70-year-old mayor,
who is hoping to be re-elected in local elections, told
journalists, "It may be a laughing matter for some, but
not for me."
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Get a few of them. You can use them for so many things.
Ideal for college students, holding toys, and all the
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Store it in the closet or in the corner of the room. We
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--------- Mounties need help in beef jerky heist ----------
SASKATOON, Saskatchewan - The Royal Canadian Mounted Police
in Saskatchewan are concerned a stolen truckload of beef
jerky may already have been eaten. A locked delivery truck
was vandalized in Saskatoon overnight Feb. 27, and while
the value of the loss was only $500, damage to the vehicle
was $3,000, the Saskatoon StarPhoenix reported Friday. The
haul included a case of pepperoni sticks, a case of beef
sticks, two tubes of beef sticks, a case of beef jerky and
a case of dill seeds. The RCMP issued an appeal for help
in the investigation. The U.S. National Cattlemen's Beef
Association said beef jerky has more than doubled in
popularity since 1997, the StarPhoenix said. Ginny Miller
of Saskatoon's Boryski's Butcher Block told the newspaper
beef jerky sells for $22 per pound, compared with New York
steak that sells at $9 per pound.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis; It never ceases to amaze me how the same people who
claim that Bush is the single most ignorant, stupid nincom-
poop in the entire known universe can, in the very next
sentence, claim that he was the genius mastermind behind
the single greatest conspiracy (9/11) in the history of
mankind. Do these people have any brains inside their
skulls at all? -Dave
[I would tend to agree with you, Dave.]
Hey Lewis, Doesn't it make you wonder why Rachael is
"desperately" trying to locate an armless and legless
prostitute? -Dianne
[I don't ask questions, Dianne.]
I personally use myspace to talk to my out of town friends
and family...I am 28. I have also found many of my friends
from childhood on there, and I use it to send greetings
and keep in touch. -Liza
[I thought that's what IM is for.]
Did the police pick her up after realizing with the two
holes she could be picked up like a bowling ball. The Quad
Question in the letters section sounds more like an old
joke. -Maurice
Wait a minute...Paul Hansen had pelvic cancer, been on dis-
ability for 8 years because of it, and he still paraglides,
with a Chihuahua no less? Wow! He must be doing a lot
better, not to mention the legal ramifications of it, you
can't even rake leaves if your disabled in my town! Maybe
we should move to Australia?
[I hear the paragliding is good.]
Hi Lewis...A hooker with no arms or legs? I think thats
what you would call a "night crawler"! -Deb
[It's nice to see my readers can still be sensitive.]
hi. You can read about the day to day lives of porn divas
now on Myspace. I am not currently a member and still
don't think it is worth joining. It is not just 13 year
olds anymore, but this will recruit the dozen that haven't
joined. -Brad
[I hope this doesn't make me sound bad, but I really don't
have much interest in porn actresses past the credits.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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