Publication: Bizarre News
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BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, Jan. 19, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
There are certain people who believe that some drugs should
be legalized and taxed just like alcohol, tobacco and porn
(or...the holy trinity, as I like to call it). The largest
and most vociferous of these groups is the pot smokers.
Their argument is that marijuana is no more harmful than
alcohol and even less harmful and addictive than cigarettes.
And they might even sway more opinion than they do if it
weren't for stories like this one.
An alleged drug dealer called Apple Valley, Minn., police
to his home after his stash of marijuana and $3,200 in
cash were stolen.
Alarmed by a break-in at his home, the man contacted police.
One the police showed up the man conceded that the thief had
made off with his marijuana stash, breaking into a locked
closet to complete the deed.
An officer also reported scraps of paper with names, amounts
and weights in another closet.
He questioned the homeowner, who then allegedly said the
burglar made off with baggies of marijuana and $3,200 cash.
"He also implied that his drug dealing was all right,
stating, 'I just sell to my friends,'" said the police
report.
Well, in that case let me just go ahead and take the cuffs
off.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+------------ Bizarre Answers from Family Feud ------------+
[Here are some actual answers from contestants who have
appeared on the game show "Family Feud."]
Q: Name something a blind person might use:
A: A sword.
Q: Name a song with moon in the title:
A: Blue Suede Moon.
Q: Name a bird with a long neck:
A: A penguin.
Q: Name an occupation where you need a torch:
A: A burglar.
Q: Name something you wear on the beach:
A: A deck chair.
Q: Name something red:
A: My cardigan.
Q: Name an item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers:
A: A horse.
Q: Name a number you have to memorize:
A: Seven.
Q: Name something you put on walls:
A: Roofs.
Q: Name something that doesn't have an engine:
A: Dishes.
Q: Name something you might be allergic to:
A: Skiing.
Q: Name a non-living object with legs:
A: A plant.
Q: Name a part of the body beginning with "n":
A: Knee.
***
-------- Woman alleges toe licks during eye exam ---------
SKOKIE, Ill. - A civil lawsuit has been filed in Skokie,
Ill., against an eye doctor and her ex-assistant by a
woman who alleged her toes were licked during an examin-
ation. Roman Tesfaye is asking for $50,000 to compensate
for emotional distress and battery caused when the
assistant, Joseph Vernell Jr., of eye doctor, Dr. Tamara
Wyse, allegedly put his tongue on her foot while having
her eyes examined July 13, 2007, the Chicago Tribune
reported Thursday. Tesfaye claimed licking took place
after Vernell softened the lights in the examination room
and said he would do a "strip test" on her. He then alleged-
ly covered her eyes with a strip and asked her to close her
eyes while he elevated her feet onto a chair. Tesfaye claim-
ed that she then felt her shoe fall off of her foot. "After
feeling the toe-touching several times, she opened her
eyes and witnessed Mr. Vernell stand up and pull his shirt
down," the suit said. Tesfaye claimed that when she accused
Vernell of toe licking, he said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but
I was checking your sugar level." Vernell was reportedly
fired from the doctor's office following the event and
pleaded guilty to misdemeanor battery in August. He was
sentenced to one year of probation.
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--------- Inoperable car tagged 250 miles away -----------
FARGO, N.D. - A North Dakota man was cited for a snow
emergency parking violation in St. Paul, Minn., for a car
he says hasn't used in a decade. Actually, Brian Nelson
of Fargo received a notice that he was tardy in paying
the $50 parking fine from December and would be assessed
penalties until the matter was resolved, KARE-TV,
Minneapolis, reported. One small problem: The ticket was
issued against his 1941 Ford, which hasn't seen the road
in years, having been stored in Nelson's garage. "It's
just nuts," Nelson said. He called St. Paul officials,
who told him he either needed to appear in person or pay
the fine. St. Paul is about 250 miles from Fargo. Then
Nelson contacted KARE-TV, which spoke with a city official
who said the matter could be corrected with a phone call.
"Somebody made a mistake," the official said.
-------- Woman racks up $20,000 in traffic fines ---------
HARLINGEN, Texas - A woman tallied 86 traffic violation
warrants and fees topping $20,000, spreading her civic
debt over two Texas communities, Harlingen and San Benito.
Valerie Ortiz Sanchez's scofflaw ways didn't end at
Harlingen's borders, where she racked up 76 traffic
warrants totaling $18,896 in fines and fees since 1976,
the city's Valley Morning Star reported. In nearby San
Benito, officials said she has at least 10 outstanding
warrants and owes $2,718 in fines and fees dating back
to 2007. Harlingen police arrested Sanchez Monday after
she was pulled over during a routine traffic stop, police
spokesman David Osborne said. She was arrested on charges
of having an expired registration sticker, not having
insurance and not having a driver's license -- and then
police discovered the old fines and fees. Moments after
Harlingen officials released Sanchez from jail -- after
she made the minimum required payment on the $18,896 in
fines and court fees -- San Benito police arrested her.
In Harlingen, a judge dismissed some of the oldest
warrants, leaving Sanchez a $15,696 balance due.
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-------- Texas UFOs gain international attention ----------
STEPHENVILLE, Texas - Dozens of reported UFO sightings in
Stephenville, Texas, have sparked massive media attention
worldwide and the town is having fun with it. Top searches
on Yahoo! Wednesday included UFO images and have been the
subject of many blogs, chat room conversations, scientific
debates and jokes about Texas sightings, the Fort Worth
(Texas) Star-Telegram reported. "It's amazing how this
has taken on an international profile," Kenneth Cherry,
president of the Mutual UFO Network in Texas, said. High
school students in the town reportedly have been making
T-shirts bearing the likeness of extraterrestrials, while
a car dealership posted a sign that said it would take UFOs
for trade-ins. Reporters from Stephenville have said the
town's residents are having a good time with the UFO sight-
ings. "Once again the media is not taking this seriously
and that makes it difficult to investigate," UFO expert
Dennis Balthaser told the Star-Telegram.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Aloha - Though I may admire the pluckiness of an old lady
wielding a shot gun to drive off an intruder but a cruder
thought surfaces - Are not all these stories about bears &
mountain lions invading Human Space telling us Humans that
we have so encroached upon Nature that Nature has no place
else to go? Within fifty years there won't be any wildlife
in America except in Zoos and a few Special Park Reserves.
Every other inch of America will be a subdivision. -Chris
[I looked up some statistics and read that for the 49 states
(excluding Alaska which is over 99 percent wild) only 7
percent is considered developed, 18 percent is cropland, 36
percent is pasture and range, 12 percent is managed forest
and 27 percent is natural forest, desert or wetlands. In
other words, 93 percent of the 49 states is open space.]
when tom cruise says "on board" he's referring to the mother
ship right? this made his jumping up and down on the couch
scene look normal. -chris
YOU DID GOOD BUT I HOPE PEOPLE DO NOT GET SWAYED BY WHAT HE
IS SAYING.
[Swayed? He'll be lucky if anybody can understand what he is
saying.]
Hey Lewis, I have to tell you, I should have looked to you
first when it came to the "Tom Cruise Video". By the time
it got my attention, it had already been yanked from all the
other sites. God Bless you that you knew where to find it.
As usual, you guys are right on top of it! -Lauri
[We should be getting a cease and desist any day now.]
Lewis, It may not be against the law to back out of your
driveway in Pekin, I mean how fast can a woman on a cell
phone be going?
[Depends on who she's talking to.]
Our state suspended the bear hunt one year after anti-hunting
people conducted a noisy campaign at the state capitol.
During the following year, one of the anti-hunting leaders
watched as his very expensive dog, tied up in back of his
very expensive home, was mauled by a black bear. Long story
short, next year the bear hunt was on again. I just love
irony mixed with karma, don't you? -John
[The real irony would be if the bear mauled HIM.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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