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Baltimore Man Gets It In the End | |
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BIZARRE NEWS - Saturday, Feb. 2, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
In case you need a good reason to stay the hell out of
Baltimore, here is the story of a man who was assaulted
by a Baltimore cop, apparently for no good reason, and
then somehow had money from his own wallet stuffed up his
ass.
I just read the news, folks, I don't make it.
"He took the money, ripped it and then reached behind me
and shoved the twisted pieces," said the victim while
filing a $100 million lawsuit against the officer, Jerome
Hill, and the City of Baltimore.
The lawsuit claims two other unnamed officers laughed then
left. The victim was treated for injuries to his rectum
at Mercy Hospital and claims the events scarred him psycho-
logically.
The story is unclear about whether the officer stuck his
hands down the victim's pants, or the victim was pantsless
at the time of the assault.
Baltimore Police won't comment on pending litigation, but
Officer Hill was the target of an internal investigation
sting operation last week. The charging documents state an
undercover officer posed as a drug suspect and when Hill
was dispatched, he punched the internal affairs officer in
the face. Hill was arrested after that and charged with
second-degree assault.
Now that's good police work, Lou.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
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+------------------- Bizarre Holidays -------------------+
February
February 1 is Serpent Day
February 2 is Purification Day
February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day
February 4 is Create A Vacuum Day
February 5 is Disaster Day
February 6 is Lame Duck Day
February 7 is Charles Dickens Day
For the rest of the list, go to: Bizarre News.com
p.s. The Bizarre Holidays on BizarreNews.com are up so
don't hesitate to take a look. Also, the bizarre photo
will be updated on Monday.
***
-------- Blind 92-year-old golfer gets hole-in-one ---------
CLEARWATER, Fla. - A 92-year-old Florida man who is
legally blind stroked a 110-yard hole-in-one while
golfing with friends earlier this month, a St. Petersburg
newspaper said. Leo Fiyalko, who suffers from blindness
caused by macular degeneration, landed his first hole-in-
one on the par-three, 110-yard hole at Cove Cay Country
Club in Clearwater in front of three members of his golf
group, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Thursday.
"It was my first hole-in-one, and I never saw it. I was
just trying to put the ball on the green," Fiyalko said.
Fiyalko's golf group, the Twilighters Club, presented him
with a plaque last week which reads, "Leo Fiyalko, hole-
in-one, five iron, 110 yards."
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------- Mom of twins didn't know she was pregnant --------
CINCINNATI - A woman who gave birth to fraternal twins at
a Cincinnati hospital says she had no idea she was pregnant
until one of the twins came out in the bathroom. Nicole
Davis said she was told years ago by doctors that she could
not have children, WKRC-TV, Cincinnati, reported Thursday.
She said she went to Good Samaritan Hospital because she
was in pain and did not know the cause. "And I'm like, 'I
just feel so sick, so I went to the restroom,'" Davis said.
"All of a sudden my son came. I delivered him in the
restroom, in the toilet." Davis, who gave birth to son,
Kyren, and daughter, Kyra, said doctors told her when she
arrived at the hospital that her pains were the result of
early onset menopause.
------- Church computers allegedly used for porn --------
HAMILTON, N.J. - A civilian New Jersey State Police
employee has been charged with sneaking into his church at
night to use a nun's computer to view online pornography.
Thomas Findler was arrested early Wednesday at Grace-St.
Paul Episcopal Church in Hamilton, just outside the state
capital, Trenton, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported
Thursday. A custodian flagged down a police car after
finding Findler on the nun's computer. Lt. James Kostoplis,
a police detective, said Findler had copies of keys to the
church in his possession when he was arrested. Church
officials had become aware that someone was using a
computer after hours to access pornographic Web sites, the
detective added. Findler, who has worked as a state police
clerk for several years, was charged with burglary, theft
and theft of services.
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--------------- House ransacked by deer ------------------
PARKER CITY, Ind. - A confused deer broke into a Parker
City, Ind., home and left a trail of blood and damaged
property in its wake, a neighbor and friend of the home-
owner said. Jerry Morgan said he approached the home,
which is owned by his friend and former high school
classmate Monte Jeffery, after he noticed a front window
had been broken, the Muncie (Ind.) News-Press reported
Thursday. Morgan said he immediately phoned authorities
after seeing a mess of blood and broken glass in the
living room, fearing the worst. "My God, there's been a
murder," he said he thought at the time. Morgan was soon
joined by Parker City Marshal Rex Amburn. The two men
entered the house and soon found themselves face to face
with the intruder -- a panicked doe. They tried wrestling
with the animal but that didn't help matters, so then they
cleared a path to the door and the doe soon bolted out of
the house. Jeffery, who maintains the house but spends
most of his time living in Virginia Beach, Va., said his
insurance company is trying to get out of paying for the
damage, as his policy does not cover intrusions by deer.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
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Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
That wall of death video sucked. -Tea
[Did you, by chance, marry someone named Coffee?]
Lewis: I'm a Nascar fan and probably nuts...but even I would
be hesitant about trying any of this, especially without a
helmet like the dudes on the bikes. The men were unrecogniz-
able, but I'm pretty certain I caught a fleeting glimpse of
Britney Spears behind the wheel of one of the cars...or else
it was she who climbed out the window in order to flash her
cootch at the crowd. -Pete
[Do you really think Britney would go all the way to Thailand
just to flash her Hooha? Although she just might have to go
that far to find someone who hasn't seen it already.]
These ointments can be touted as "sanitizing" because they
are 62% ethanol, that is, grain alcohol. But I seriously
doubt the kid could get his blood alcohol up by sniffing
his hands after rubbing some on. Ethanol can be absorbed
through the lungs - but the NASA safety standard (200-proof
ethanol was used as a cleanser in wind-tunnel testing)
specified that it was safe for a 8-hour shift, at the level
where the fumes are flammable in air.
Hey Lewis, believe it or not, we here in Alabama, especially
coastal Alabama where you're more likely to encounter
alligators, generally know enough not to try to steal eggs
from a nest. We respect nature and ecology here due to the
fact that we actually have it in our backyards rather than
having to go to a zoo to see animals in their natural habitat.
Make fun of us all you want, but we're the ones laughing when
it's 70 degrees and sunny here when you're still shoveling
snow. We're the ones you northerners come to visit at Spring
Break. Come spend your money at the Alabama beaches, just
don't stick your hands in alligator nests! Happy Mardi Gras!
[Thanks for the tip, but I think most Spring Breakers just
go a little farther south to enjoy the beaches in Florida.]
Lewis...please quit using only Southern states in a derogative
manner in your jokes, its just as funny if you say it happened
in Indiana and Ohio as when you say Kentucky and Alabama. At
least split it up 50-50. -Donald
[When the southern states stop molesting farm animals and their
next of kin (which is sometimes simultaneous), I'll stop poking
fun at them.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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