Publication: Bizarre News
Anybody Want To Get Married? | |
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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, March 19, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
Anybody want to get married? Two Montanans repeatedly take
marriage vows without the benefit of divorce, but they aren't
polygamists; they are proxies for absent brides and grooms.
Montana is the only state that allows a double-proxy wedding,
meaning both sides can be no-shows. Kalispell, Mont., began
taking advantage of this quirk about five years ago, when a
native son serving in Iraq wanted to marry his pregnant girl-
friend.
Some research by lawyer Dean Knapton and -- viola! -- Friday
afternoon nuptials were born.
The law had been on Montana's books for several decades, per-
haps to accommodate soldiers during World War II.
The cost to the real, albeit absent, bride and groom: $900,
of which $50 apiece goes to the proxies, $100 to the judge,
$150 to the lawyer-witness; $53 for court fees; $14 for two
certified copies of the marriage certificate. The rest goes
to a Pennsylvania couple who run a business facilitating
proxy marriages.
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+--------------- Bizarre International Laws ---------------+
MISCELLANEOUS
In China, you must be intelligent in order to go to
college.
In Denmark, no one may start a car while someone is
underneath the vehicle.
In France, no pig may be addressed as Napoleon by its
owner.
In Israel, picking your nose is illegal.
In Norway, you may not spay your female dog or cat.
However, you may neuter the males of the species.
In Scotland, it is illegal to be drunk and in possession
of a cow.
In Sweden, while prostitution is legal, it is illegal for
anyone to use the services of a prostitute.
In Thailand, it is illegal to leave your house if you
are not wearing underwear.
***
------- Frosted Flake gets bid of $1,175 on eBay -------
CHESAPEAKE, Va. - Bidding for a Frosted Flake in the
shape of Illinois has reached $1,175 on eBay. As of
Monday afternoon, the state-shaped cereal flake had
received 46 bids, with the top bid $1,175, well above
the top bid of $10.49 Friday. The Chesapeake, Va.,
resident who is selling is giving free shipping to
anywhere in Illinois, the Rockford (Ill.) Register-
Star reported. "It's uncanny resemblance is completely
natural! This is a must-have item for any Illinois
lover, collector of food look-alikes, or anyone who
desires a unique conversation item!" the seller wrote
on the flake's eBay page. The item reportedly is larger
than typical Frosted Flakes, with a length of 2 inches
and a width of 1 3/8 inches. "This is a great opportunity
to own a frosted corn flake shaped like the great state
of Illinois!" the seller wrote.
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------- Drunken nude man arrested for vandalism ---------
LANCASTER, Pa. - A Pennsylvania man who allegedly
vandalized two businesses while drunk and in the nude,
is being held on on $200,000 bail, police said. Freeland
resident Nicholas Hadzick, 30, was arrested for allegedly
causing damages worth thousands at the Willow Valley
Resort and the 24-hour Darrenkamp's Market in in West
Lampeter Township near Lancaster, WHTM-TV, Harrisburg,
Pa. reported. The suspect was totally naked and drunk at
the time of the ransacking, police said. "He did quite a
bit of damage to our store. Anything he could throw, he
threw," Darrenkamp's manager Jeff Frymyer said. The
suspect destroyed coolers, scales, deli tools and tipped
a pizza oven during the spree, WHTM reported. Hadzick is
faced with charges of risking a catastrophe, open lewdness
and public drunkenness in the Friday night incident.
------------ Thief gets face full of ham ---------------
GLOUCESTER, Maine - A Gloucester, Maine, restaurant owner
said he fended off an attempted meat thief by slapping the
suspect with a frozen ham. Joe Scola, owner of Scola's
Place, said a waitress returning from her break alerted
him to a man running down the street with frozen meat taken
from the restaurant's cellar, the Gloucester Daily Times
reported Monday. Scola said he caught up to the man, who
appeared to be in his 30s, and saw he was carrying 20
pounds of frozen meat, including two bags of linguica, a
prosciutto log and a ham. The owner reclaimed the ham but
shoved it back toward the suspect's face when the thief
made a gesture with the 5-pound prosciutto log that
indicated he was planning to strike Scola, the restaurateur
said. "I slammed him with the ham in the face," Scola told
the Daily Times. He said his opponent dropped the remaining
meat and ran off. Scola said the suspect told him during
the struggle that he had taken the meat because he was
hungry but the restaurant owner said the frozen meat would
have taken days to thaw and prepare. Police haven't made
any arrests in the case, the newspaper said.
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------------ Man to sell his 'life' on eBay ---------------
WELLARD, Australia - A man in Western Australia announced
plans to sell his "life" on eBay -- an auction he says will
include his home, car, belongings and his job. Ian Usher,
who attained Australian citizenship in 2006 after moving
from England, said he decided to put his life on the
auction block after he split with his wife of five years,
The Times of London reported Monday. Usher, 44, said on his
Web site, www.alife4sale.com, that the auction will include
his home in Wellard, his Mazda 929 automobile and a two-
week trial at his job in a rug store. "When I say every-
thing is included in the sale I mean EVERYTHING is included!
Upon completion and settlement I will walk out of my home
for the last time in just the clothes I am wearing and
carrying only my wallet and passport," he said on the Web
site. Usher said the auction is planned to June 22 and
last for seven days on eBay. He said he hopes to net at
least $500,000 from the sale.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Hi Lewis, We've got one of those Leapfrog Alphabet Pal Cater-
pillars for our son and I was actually upset that I couldn't
get it to swear more. There are some words that you can slip
past it or else use other letters that make a similar sound
to work around the swear-safeties. -James
[You have a lot of time on your hands, don't you James?]
Lewis, if you keep sucking the tit will keep spewing. -Bette
[Thanks for the tit, er...tip.]
Dear Lewis, I can enjoy about a minute of peace and quiet in
the bathroom, then one of my kids starts banging on the door
or the telephone rings. -Janis
[Try beating them more often.]
THAT ONE LEGGED BITCH WITH NO TALENT TOOK PAUL FOR 48.8
million. In my next life i want a vagina.
[I think I'd rather just marry Paul McCartney and then
divorce him. Think he'd have any interest in a slightly
over-weight middle-aged man?]
ok not to wonder the obvious but where did the guy go to the
bathroom if she was stuck on it? -Teri
[That's why God invented the kitchen sink.]
that chief who survived on cookies for 25 years...what kind
of parents would allow their child to eat only cookies from
only a year and a half old? that reminds me of the girl
that ate nothing but french fries for most of her life. what-
ever happened to having to eat all your veggies?
[Well, there are no laws against idiots giving birth to more
idiots.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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