Publication: Bizarre News
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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, Jan. 23, 2008
"Spanning the globe for the weird...strange...and stupid."
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Greetings fellow Bizarros:
I received several emails about the marijuana comments in
the last issue and it prompted me to go into this topic
in somewhat greater detail.
In my opinion, certain deadly chemicals should be illegal.
Crystal meth, crack cocaine and other chemicals and con-
centrates will kill you. Marijuana, on the other hand, while
intoxicating, is not deadly. Yet it is pursued with as much
enthusiasm as its more deadly counterparts.
The war on drugs has had some other very unusual side effects.
Does it make sense to ban a crop in the United States that
can have a large, positive economic and environmental impact
and is completely harmless? That is exactly the position of
the hemp advocates.
Because hemp is a relative of marijuana it is lumped by law
into the illegal drug category. It is against the law to
grow it, although some products made from it can be imported
from other countries.
And most importantly, industrial hemp is not marijuana. It
contains just 0.3 to 1.5 percent of THC, the chemical that
gives marijuana its drug-like effects. By comparison, mari-
juana contains 5 percent to 10 percent THC. Smoking hemp is
not going to make anyone high.
But what are some of the benefits of this harmless crop?
The fiber from the hemp plant possesses strength and dura-
bility, resists rotting and is easier to bleach than wood
pulp, which means whiter paper at lower cost. That would be
a boon to the book-publishing industry, to cite one example.
Hemp oil was used to lubricate the engines of Navy fighter
planes in World War II, and hemp activist Woody Harelson
used it to power a diesel vehicle to demonstrate the benefits
of it. It can also be fermented into an alcohol-based fuel,
offering a potent and truly renewable energy source.
Unlike trees, which take years to grow to the point at which
they can be harvested, hemp plants can reach a harvestable
state within four months. For paper manufacturers and users
it could provide a cheaper source of pulp than trees, which
take too long to renew.
So what is this bizarre prejudice against marijuana and any-
thing remotely related to it?
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Bizarre News forum. Check it out here...
Bizarre News Forum
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+-------------- Bizarre Science Test Answers --------------+
Following are a sampling of test answers and essays
submitted to science and health teachers by junior high,
high school and college students around the world.
1. Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin.
Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.
2. Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it
to the cow instead of the bull.
3. The body consists of three parts- the brainium, the
borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains
the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and
the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which
there are five - a, e, i, o, and u.
4. To prevent contraception: wear a condominium.
5. For drowning: Climb on top of the person and move up
and down to make artificial perspiration.
6. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the
blood is affirmative or negative.
7. Genetics explain why you look like your father and
if you don't why you should.
***
---------- Pageant winner's dress vandalized ------------
PALM BEACH, Fla. - A $3,400 dress belonging to Miss South
Florida was vandalized during the pageant, sparking a Palm
Beach Police investigation. Jessica Wittenbrink, 21, the
eventual winner of this year's Miss South Florida Fair
pageant did win about $6,000 in cash and scholarship money
and the opportunity to compete in the Miss Florida pageant
that feeds into Miss America, the Palm Beach Post reported
Monday. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, which has
jurisdiction over the fairgrounds, later said there was
not enough "conclusive evidence" to name a suspect. "Unless
new information presents itself, the case is going to be
inactive," sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Pete Palenzuela said.
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----------- Aussie Bonnie and Clyde bungle job -------------
MELBOURNE - Would-be Bonnie and Clyde robbers in Australia
bungled an attempted holdup when the male suspect shot his
girlfriend in the buttocks. The Australian Broadcasting
Corp. reported Monday the pair held up the Cuckoo
Restaurant outside Melbourne on April Fools Day last year
and snatched a bag they believed had about $25,000 but, in
fact, contained bread rolls. A county court in Melbourne
heard how Benjamin Jorgensen, 38, then accidentally shot
his accomplice, 36-year-old Donna Hayes in the buttocks
while the cafe owner was handing over the bag. Police soon
nabbed the pair. On Monday they both pleaded guilty to
armed robbery and Jorgensen also pleaded guilty to a charge
of negligently causing serious injury. They are to be
sentenced Tuesday. The presiding judge told the court
"We've heard of the Keystone Cops, however this is the
Keystone Robbers."
-------- Drinking water from sewer water on tap ----------
SANTA ANA, Calif. - Some Californians soon may be drinking
water that tastes fine, only it started out as sewer water.
Faced with a water shortage, the Orange County Water
District is testing the viability of recycling sewer water
-- be it from the sink, tub or toilet -- into drinking
water, CNN reported. "This is actually sewer water," Phil
Anthony of Orange County Water District told CNN. "It's
treated by sanitation district, then purified even more by
us." The sanitation-and-purification procedure is a three-
step process. The first sifts out solid matter down to less
than a hair's thickness. The second filters for viruses and
pharmaceuticals. The final step bakes the water in a high
intensity light. "It tastes like distilled water," a water
district employee told CNN. It still must meet safety
standards -- and an environmental group wants to ensure
testers knows why they're testing the water. But if safety
standards are met, district officials say taps in Orange
County could be filled with a groundwater-recycled water
mix as soon as six months.
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------- Jesus statue held for ransom over dog poop --------
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. - A Kent County, Mich., woman said her
treasured Jesus statue has been returned after it was held
for ransom over doggie do. Jean Mansel's 80-pound cement
Jesus statue was allegedly taken her front yard late last
week. A ransom note was left in her mailbox that said
Mansel would only ever see the statue again if she cleaned
up after her dogs, WZZM-TV Grand Rapids reported. "There
were footprints behind it, and footprints in front of it,"
she said, pointing out where the statue used to be. "My
husband got a phone call and a real raspy voice over the
phone said 'check your mailbox'." In the mailbox was a
ransom note. "We are holding Jesus ransom until you clean
up the poopie from your wieners and trust us we see you
take your wieners for long walks w/out picking up their
poopie in our yards. This has upset us dearly so please
clean up all the wiener poopie, if you want to see Jesus
unharmed. Sincerely, Lindy Lane Residents." It turned out
that the statue had been taken not by her neighbors but
by a family member, making it a family situation, said
Mansel.
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Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
What is this Tom Cruise guy on and where can I get some?!
He seems genuinely passionate about Scientology and THAT
is scary!! I made it through the 1st video, and I tried
to make it through the 2nd one, but I wussed out. I am
all for his rights to free speech and to practice his
beliefs. But if he was trying to convert me, he didn't
count on the fact that my brain cells are still active.
His spiel would bore a dead man to tears! -Pearl
Hey Lewis! I have to say that Tom Cruise practices what he
preaches. When he said that he believes he has to help if
he sees an accident, he means it! I read a story about him
in the newspaper several years ago that really impressed me.
He saw a woman pedestrian get hit by a hit and run driver.
Tom Cruise called for help and stayed with the woman until
help arrived. Then he followed the ambulance to the hospital
so he could make sure she was going to be all right. It's
good to know that there are still a few celebrities around
who can make the news by doing something other than driving
drunk or going to rehab. -Jody
[Good for him! I never said Tom Cruise was evil...just nutty.
I wanted to publish this comment to show that I'm not just
out to attack Tom Cruise.]
Hi Lewis, That pot dealer may be a deluded fool, but what
sways my opinion in the pot vs. alcohol debate is how
alcoholics vastly outnumber pot addicts among the homeless.
Most zoned out pot heads still manage to keep a roof over
their heads.
[Probably because they deal it. In order to deal alcohol you
need a license from the state. It's a lot harder to make
money that way.]
Actually, marijuana is "even less harmful and addictive" than
alcohol as well as cigarettes. This has been proven by the
U.S. government's own studies repeatedly--much to the chagrin
of the sponsors of these expensive so-called studies. This
kind of lack of knowledge about marijuana is the only reason
that it remains illegal. If the majority of the public knew
the truth, they would be ashamed that they have allowed such
a potentially medically beneficial substance to remain banned.
Not to mention the fact that they have allowed thousands of
non-violent "offenders" to be imprisoned at their expense to
the tune of millions of wasted tax dollars.
[Your last point is one of my biggest problems with the whole
'drug war' plan. People have been sent away for years for con-
suming the herbal equivalent of a six pack. We're not talking
armed robbery, dealing drugs, even buying, just possession.
Who knows how many harmless, unfortunate dummies are serving
time simply for having a joint in their hand at the wrong
time.]
Another similar story to the bear one - Our neighbors were
always very anti deer hunting. They never wanted to hurt poor
Bambi. This radically changed after they both had a collision
between their Mercedes and a deer. They now allow hunters on
their property to hunt. -George
[I don't think anybody who has had some proper venison sausage
can be totally against deer hunting.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to: Email Lewis
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