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Classic Bizarre - Exploding Whale
<<<<<<<<<<< From the Bizarre News Archives >>>>>>>>>>>>
CLASSIC BIZARRE NEWS - Tuesday, November 7, 2006
"A wild journey into the history of the most bizarre stories EVER."
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GopherCentral's Question of the Week
Should smoking be made illegal?
Please take a moment to share your opinion, visit:
Question of the Week
Greetings Fellow Bizarros:
One of the advantages of being a Bizarre News editor is that
it is possible to start a conversation anywhere, anytime.
One such incident occurred over the weekend while I was having
lunch with some friends.
I overheard the folks at the table next to us debating the
famous "exploding whale" incident. This is an actual event
that happened in 1970, but is so bizarre it has earned urban
legend status so that nobody even believes it anymore.
A synopsis of the story is that a 45 foot, eight-ton whale
beached itself somewhere along Oregon and promptly died. After
a week or so the stench became so bad that the coast guard
decided to blow it up with dynamite, since that is much
easier than trying to dig a hole large enough to bury a whale.
However, nobody in Oregon had ever detonated a whale before,
so they estimated that it would take approximately one quarter
ton (that's 500 pounds) of dynamite to do the job.
They slightly over-estimated.
They moved spectators back one-quarter mile before blowing
the giant mammal, but it was not nearly enough to compensate
for the mountain of black powder officials buried under the
whale. A few moments after the explosion, flaming blubber
came raining down nearly one-half mile from the beach. People
began scrambling for cover in terror. One chunk was large
enough to completely demolish an automobile on which it fell.
Fortunately, personal injuries were minor.
You can see how people might be incredulous about this story,
especially since it is 30 years old and evidence for it is
scarce. But if you are a purveyor of the bizarre this kind of
thing is old hat.
So before the debate at the next table over true vs. untrue
became heated I interjected. I filled in the details for them
and even suggested that video of the event is still available
on the internet. They proved to be Bizarros at heart, even if
they weren't subscribers to this newsletter, and we were soon
trading our favorite stories.
At the very least I was able to recruit four new subscribers,
although this is a rather laborious way to make my readership
grow. So if you know somebody who appreciates the bizarre,
forward them a copy!
Bizarrely,
Lewis
P.S. You can discuss this issue or any other topic in the
new Classic Bizarre forum. Check it out here...
Classic Bizarre Forum
+---------------- Bizarre Insurance Claims ----------------+
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with
a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving warning of
its intentions.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-
in-law and headed over the embankment.
In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my
universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and
vanished.
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------- Convict Escapes Jail; Walks Right by Guards --------
ATHENS, Greece - Nothing gets by them. The latest in a series
of embarrassing jail breaks, a convicted American murderer
walked right out of the Korydallos jail two days ago with
help from the prison psychologist. Wearing a wig, suit, and
glasses, the 31-year-old inmate strolled by the guards. The
psychologist was bold enough to introduce the convict to
the guards as one of her colleagues. The man had confessed
to a murder in Greece because he didn't want to be extradited
to the United States where he is charged with double murder.
He was currently serving a life sentence in Greece for a
killing a girl. Officials did not realize he had escaped
until later that night during the headcount. Just last
month a group of inmates dug their way out of a police cell
with a spoon. The warden has been suspended.
-------- California Man Creates His Own Private Zoo --------
SAN DIEGO, California - Millions of people bond with their
pets, whether the pet be a dog, cat, gerbil, or 500-pound
pygmy hippopotamus. A real estate agent noticed a homeowner
was secretly storing a hippo on his property and told Cali-
fornia fish and game officials. They quickly began an
investigation and were unprepared for what they found. Arthur
Stehly kept over 100 animals in his home and backyard includ-
ing the hippopotamus, peacocks, emus, geese, goats, and much
more. The 12 to 15-year-old hippo was taken to a center for
wild animals and will be shipped to a refuge in Florida at
the end of the week. Stehly's neighbors reportedly knew about
the rare hippo, and even though they never saw it, they defi-
nitely smelled its presence. Bill Ritcher said, "I know he
used the hippo manure on his garden. It can smell pretty
dang bad."
----------- Religious Tolerance, American Style ------------
The new chaplain at Wisconsin's Waupun Correctional Institution
is a Wiccan. The Rev. Jamyi Witch's hiring was defended by the
state Department of Corrections, which says Witch -- and that
is her real name -- met the job requirements, and barring her
based on her faith would be illegal. "I minister to everyone's
needs. I have no interest in converting anyone," she says. An-
other full-time chaplain at the facility is Protestant; only
about a third of the inmates are Christian. Outraged State Rep.
Mike Huebsch promises to strip funding for Witch's position,
even though he previously argued for more chaplains in state
prisons.
[Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.]
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----- Porn Crashes Holland's National Computer System ------
Holland's National Archive and census office in Maastricht
was brought to a halt after a 32-year old civil servant
crashed the 20-computer system by downloading vast amounts
of online pornography. National Archive director Philip
Maarschalkerweerd said the incident came to light when "one
of our employees said his computer had frozen and called the
help desk. The systems manager saw porn pictures appearing
on the screen. He immediately realized what had happened. We
don't collect information of that kind." The employee, who
was not publicly identified, faces disciplinary action.
------------ Radio Station Sued in Tattoo Fiasco -----------
ILLINOIS - Music enthusiasts Richard Goddard Jr. and David
Winkleman were excited when they heard about their favorite
radio station's new contest. According to them, 93.5 KORB
promised an array of goodies to anyone with a tattoo of their
station's logo. The rewards included $30,000 a year for five
years, concert tickets, and backstage passes. To win the
contest, the two had the logo tattooed onto their forehead,
but have yet to collect on the allegedly promised goods.
Winkleman claims he was fired from his job because of the
new marking, and both insist they are unable to find jobs
now because of the tattoos. Thus, they are suing the radio
station for breach of contract, fraud and negligence. In
its defense, the radio station says the contest was a
practical joke aimed at those who were greedy and stupid
enough to go through with the tattoo.
*
Let Lewis take you on an UNCENSORED journey into the world
of the strange, the bizarre and the supernatural. Get The
Best of Bizarre News II Uncensored right here...F-R-E-E..
Bizarre Uncensored
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> READER COMMENTS <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Lewis, tell your wife that unless she is buying organics, the
pesticide in the salad will kill her faster than steak will
kill you. Plus, lettuce has little nutritional value. Raw
spinach is the way to go. Just use it in place of lettuce
anywhere. It can even be added to fast food to add nutrition.
--Becky
[I'll let her know.]
Lewis- thank god that I'm not alone. I needed this information
on woman fantasizing about someone other than their "primary
Partner". I thought that I was some kind of wierd, horny
woman who was completely unsatisfied with my marriage. Now I
know that I'm just unsatisfied with my marriage .....Thanks
again. Love the newsletter btw --Christina
[I'm glad I could help and sorry I ruined your marriage.]
So thinking (while I'm in the bathroom) about licking whipped
cream off a co-worker at my desk at work is perfectly normal,
especially if I'm ovulating..... Cool! --Tracy in Arkansas
[Yes, perfectly normal, especially in Arkansas. So, who's the
co-worker?]
Hello Lewis! I just wanted to let you know that I enjoy your
publication so much more than that of Chadwick's. He is sooo
rude, crude, and vile! You, on the other hand, are witty and
it's fun to read your publication. And I don't feel like I
have to go take a shower after reading your witty dialogue!
Keep up the great work! --Deb
[I like to consider Chadwick to be in a class by himself. Then
again, he's paid to be rude, crude and vile. If you have no
idea what we're talking about you can subscribe to his pub-
lication "Up Yours!" on shagmail.com but don't say I didn't
warn you.]
I am writing this to correct your article on the man who
killed 2,000 dogs. He did not buy the dogs for $10 each. He
was paid $10 a head to execute them. Once a racing dog is not
making their owners enough money they are useless to them.
More people should adopt old racing dogs. They make wonderful
pets!
[Thanks for the correction.]
Dear Lewis, I enjoyed the reader comment about the taped-over
porn video shown in science class. In HS, we had the same
teacher for Driver's Ed and Sex Ed. He put a slide on the
overhead projector and told us it was the female reproductive
system - it was actually a carburator. He wondered why we
were laughing. I'm a teacher now myself, and few places are
as consistently bizzare as a publich high school. --Colleen
[That's how my father explained sex to me, "Lewis, a woman's
reproductive system is like a carburator..." It probably ex-
plains why I get aroused at auto shows even today.]
------------------ END OF READER COMMENTS ------------------
Well, that is a wrap for Classic Bizarre News. How did we do?
Send comments and questions to:
Email Lewis
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Copyright 2006 by NextEra Media. All rights reserved.
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